


Shattered Glass

by SecretlyIrish



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, sin - Freeform, struggles, warning: Lovino and Feliciano's being Catholic is a major theme, warning: religion referenced often
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretlyIrish/pseuds/SecretlyIrish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He fell from Grace like a wine glass falls from the highest shelf and shatters onto the ground in a million glittering pieces. Which would be fine and dandy if he hadn't dragged someone down with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I would like to thank ccb for correcting a small flaw regarding preacher vs. priest.   
> That said, the next chapter will be coming fairly soon, my apologies for the long wait.

The soft amber glow of candlelight, the brilliant wine red curtains that blocked out the world, the steady oak floorboards and ivory white walls with glittering gold décor- all of it made the room seem like the one who slept in it could have anything he wanted. But he couldn't. That which he wanted most was simple, but forbidden, a sin.

"Oh Father who art in Heaven," he whispered, his head bowed reverently as tears fell like rain from his eyes, "deliver me from sin, and lead me not into temptation -" his voice broke,"- oh, Father! Please help me, I am scared, I don't know what's right anymore! I know my feelings are wrong; both You and the priest made that clear, but still a part of me believes that it could be right! I fear that I shall give in to this temptation, this sin, give me a sign on where to go, please! Lead me through the dark and into the light of heaven!"*

He clung to the gold cross as simple as his only desire, and listened to the monochrome patter of rain outside his window. He waited for a sign, waited for God's guidance, but all that came was his brother.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interfere your time with God," Feliciano said, realizing that he had intruded at the wrong time. Lovino simply shook his head.

"You're fine, Feli. Nightmares again?" he asked, a softer look on his usually harsh features. His eyes softened even more when he noticed that the soft candlelight seemed to have given Feliciano a halo. Lovino refused to let himself hope that the halo was God's sign to him, despite the gut feeling that it was.

Feliciano nodded, "Can I sleep with you again tonight?" Lovino, as he had done every night for the past month and a half, nodded. It wasn't long before the two were cradled in the arms of sleep, wrapped in sheets as black as sin itself.


	2. Chapter 2

When Lovino tore himself from sleep's sweet embrace, he found himself running to the bathroom to dry heave. He could feel the culmination of his Sin on him, sickly sweet in scent and sticky. He heaved again. This was wrong, everything in this situation was wrong, none of this was right or okay. That dream that he'd had, that dream of innocent Feliciano who still slept, it was so wrong. This time a little bit of bile came along with his heave, burning at his throat, sour and acidic on his tongue. He deserved it. He was disgusting, thinking like that. Oh! but the dream was so nice, so sweet, so sensual. He vomited again at his own thoughts.

And so passed what he could only guess was a half hour, crunched over the toilet and retching. When he'd finally finished this, he flushed the toilet and shakily removed himself from the pyjamas that hid the white substance that proved his sin.

He bent over the toilet once more.

Finally he managed to throw the offending clothes in the wash and himself in the bath, shivering and shaking, but even there he was not clear of those horribly beautiful images. Feliciano's blushing face, the imagined sensations, the sounds. Lovino opened his eyes, which were cast downwards, and burst into tears. "I'm sorry, Father, I'm so sorry..." he whimpered, curling up and sobbing into his knees.

"Lovi? What are you crying for?" Feliciano asked from the doorway, slowly walking up to Lovino. His face was soft and gentle, understanding. He was an angel, a beautiful, wonderful angel.

"There's something wrong with me," Lovino told him, wanting to reach out and be held by him, be kissed by him, be comforted. "How can I.... I think like that? See him like I do?" Lovino finally looked him in the eyes, scared and alone. What he saw returned was nothing but love and understanding.

"Lovi, there's nothing wrong with being gay, even if the Pope and everyone says there is. All it is is love, and how can God turn us away for loving when that's what he wanted us to do in the first place?" Feliciano said with a smile and a hug. If only that was Lovino's major problem, then maybe things would be okay.

But for now he had to pretend, for Feli's sake, that that was it.


	3. Chapter 3

Weeks passed like that, Lovino pretending there was nothing bothering except for the fact that he was gay, and Feliciano pretending to believe him. It wasn't until Lovino found himself staring at Feliciano with a decidedly not innocent look on his face did the cracks begin to show. The lust brought a blush to Feliciano's face and Lovino finally looked away.

"Lovino, who is it that you love anyway?" Feliciano finally asked, knowing the answer in the deepest part of his heart, and it excited him in a twisted, broken way. He crawled across the bed to hug his precious Lovino, nuzzling his face into Lovino's neck.

"I can't say it," Lovino said softly, "I can't admit it aloud." It was certainly the worst person he could have chosen to fall in love with.

"Can you show it?" Feliciano asked even softer, drawn like a moth to flame by the darkness he saw in his brother's eyes. The darkness was not something cruel to others, but rather a sadness Feliciano wanted to kiss away a darkness he wanted to make vanish with kind words and touches in the dark of night.

Lovino thought for a moment and nodded, leaning forwards to gently press their lips together, the shining glass of his pure intentions finally falling and smashing against the ground in the most beautiful array imaginable. With it, he brought Feliciano into the dark, dirtied ground, kissing and holding and touching.

That was the first night they shared a bed in such a way.


	4. Chapter 4

The  next day Lovino's skin still burned like hellfire from the touches they shared, and he rushed to the bathroom to retch. What had he done? His skin burned ever hotter from the memory of the great sin that he had allowed himself to commit, the sin the he had brought Feliciano to commit.

When he had finished heaving he flushed, brushed his teeth, then ran to the nearest church to pray. He knew he himself was damned- the burning was more than enough proof of that- but perhaps Feliciano, his precious, pure, beautiful Feliciano, could still be forgiven.

"Oh Father who art in Heaven, hear my prayer," his lips formed the words, but his voice could not make a sound, "Please accept my brother into your arms, he is an innocent soul led astray by my sinful ways, place all the blame on me, punish me for this sin, and lead him back into the light of redemption..."

The tears trickled endlessly down his cheeks, creating small rivers of pure humanity amidst the dirt of his guilt, finally cooling the flames that burned at his skin until they remained only beneath the cross he wore.

**Author's Note:**

> *I'm sorry if this is crude, over the top, or inaccurate! D: If it is, please tell me! Also, if I fail to update on a regular basis just pester me.


End file.
